I’m no longer holding Star Trek or Star Wars “accountable” for their clunky-looking sixties-and-seventies future technology.
Why?
Because the Enterprise is off on a years-long voyage through space. There’s no Verizon store, no Radio Shack, no Geek Squad out there. If the Klingons fire photon torpedoes and the bridge shakes and Spock’s head bangs against the fancy iPad72 touchscreen and cracks the glass, the ship’s toast. If Han Solo’s fingerprints get all over the starchart and the touch-calibration is off by half a centimeter, the Falcon is going right into a star. But if Mister Worf accidentally twists the command knob too hard and pops it off, he can just screw that thing right back on and it will keep working. Dust gets in there? Take it apart and clean it out. All the plugs are big and universal, all the power cells are functional and have a decent battery life, and nothing is built to expire in the next six months so you have to buy a new one.
That tech isn’t anachronistic or suffering a bad case of Zeerust–it’s practical, effective, and it works. Apple tried launching its own space exploration craft, it had to come back for full repairs within three months, and then it had to be upgraded over the next two.
But this? This is just good, long-lasting, fully-functional, and reliable craftsmanship.
The actual real-life space shuttles’ electronics looked pretty much like that for their entire lifespan and this is exactly why.
cody putting on his helmet and there’s a
pair of googly eyes on the visor
maul and savage acting out a duel with their
action figures
mandalorians making silly poses while
suspended on cables for a jetpack chase scene
kix not hearing the “action” call and taking
a selfie in the middle of a take
barriss having her stomach growl loudly
during one of her lines and then blushing really hard
“CODY, BATTLE POSITIONS!!!!!!” “obi wan why are you screaming” “i’m sorry i thought he couldn’t hear me through the helmet” “i can hear you. please stop yelling at me”
satine laughing at something obi wan said and
snorting
clones wearing name tags on their foreheads
ahsoka executing a perfect backflip and anakin going “yeah but watch this” and then slipping and falling
rex making the sound effects for his blasters by yelling “bang bang bang BANG BANG BANG BANG”
the younglings dancing and
laughing with the grownups and calling them “mister ani” or “miss soka”
dooku rolling his eyes while the jedi are
goofing off between takes
ahsoka hurrying to finish shooting bc she heard there were donuts
grievous having uncomfortably long coughing
fits but no one giving him water bc they’re not sure if he’s still acting
obi wan looking directly into the camera after anakin disobeys orders
thank you so much
But importantly: obi wan making the lightsaber noises
Please also consider:
Luminara is constantly slipping or tripping in takes and will sometimes grab on to someone to catch her but will bring them down with her
Ahsoka and Grevious battling so dramatically and hard that Ahsoka breaks her plastic lightsaber and they stare at it and laugh
she is also the one who has broken the most lightsabers on set
clone extras constantly falling when running in battle scenes
off set Obi-Wan is constantly scaring the other cast members and crew
Wolffe practicing his growl as warm up before the scene
Padme’s wig falls off when it catches the doorway and she turns around quickly to catch it, to which Anakin’s eyes are wide with wonder “maybe she should be the Jedi”, which makes Padme blush and laugh
Padme’s dresses getting caught in something or other constantly and she is jolted back. One time she fell to the ground laughing
Bariss gets herself locked in a closet
Bariss being super scared to do her own stunts, especially falling and that before jumping one time she stopped last minute, had to quickly regain her balance, and perfusely apologized
one time Cody took out his blaster too fast and as it falls out of his hand he squeals ‘GAH!’ and fumbles to try and catch it
“Senator Chuchi and I are really, really good friends.” “Ahsoka stop insinuating that you have relationships with the female cast. They are just friends.” “But consider this: friends with benefits!”
Ahsoka trying to get the speeder to start, but it just makes clicking noises. She tries three more times before on the fourth one, she says excitedly, “VROOM VROOM!”
During a take to jump over a dead droid, Obi-Wan’s foot gets caught and he does one of those complete epic face first splats to the ground and Anakin and Ahsoka lose it as Obi-Wan just lays there defeated with everyone behind the camera laughing loudly
During a serious scene Hardcase steps up behind Rex and with a straight face gives him a Wet Willy
There are lots of retakes of when climbing up the walls of the Citadel, Cody is constantly misplacing his footing and almost falls, giving out a loud ‘kriff!’ every time
Rex hitting that pipe was a blooper and he’s mad that they didn’t let him retake the scene
Just a few more…
– Ahsoka getting distracted during a walk and talk scene with Anakin and kinda just falling behind and Anakin not noticing she’s gone for a good 30 seconds
– Rex tripping and being ridiculously dramatic about it
– A loth cat or some other animal in the background jumping on a cast member
– Someone throws something and accidentally hits the cameraman
– Satine coughing once she’s supposed to be dead
– Everyone doing a collective “ughh” whenever Anakin forgets his lines
– Ahsoka being allergic to some of her eye makeup and having a puffy red eye for an entire scene
– Ahsoka hanging of sort of cliff and then her hands just slip and she falls out of the frame with a little squeak
– Padmé doing an excited little “yes” after she completes a long speech
– The clones and Ahsoka screaming when theres a jump scare
THIS IS THE MOST FANTASTIC THING EVER AND IW OULD SELL MY SOUL TO SEE THIS
Also I had some ideas…
-Artoo shooting out lightsabers and Obi-Wan getting smacked in the face
that slaver episode where Anakin has the whip but he’s joking around and accidentally hits himself on the foot and starts screaming
Obi-Wan getting mad and yelling at Anakin in some other galactic language
Mace Windu forgetting his lines and just staring at Obi-Wan for a good minute before quietly saying “what am I supposed to do”
the Lux and Ahsoka kiss scene but every time they break apart Ahsoka dramatically rants about how she may or may not be dating Barriss and Lux laughing increasingly harder
Chancellor Palpatine tripping on his robe and falling on Master Yoda, you can hear “oh my god I’m so sorry” in a muffled voice
Dooku making deep “whoosh” noises whenever he uses the force
Satine making kiss faces at Obi-Wan every time he turns around
Anakin making faces at Satine and Obi-Wan whenever they talk, even if he’s not supposed to be in the scene
Obi-Wan falling off the building onto a mat but he lands wrong and theres a lot of censorship beeping while Ahsoka loses her shit
I WILL SELL MY SOUL AND MY FIRST BORN CHILD FOR THIS AU
Yessssss
Also consider:
“Force Ghost” Qui-Gon going “IM SORRYYYYY” real dramatically after the Mortis scene and hugging Obi in one of those big, rocking side to side bear hugs.
Wolffe falling asleep mid take and standing up but no one notices because he’s wearing his helmet. Until, in the middle of Plo’s dialogue, he starts snoring.
Anakin taking every opportunity to kiss his co-stars. In the middle of stand off with Dooku, he leans in and kisses Dooku’s nose.
Anakin doing “MY WIFE” and picking Padme up in a hug at every opportunity.
Dooku and Obi-Wan drinking tea together after an early morning shoot.
Yes!
Ahsoka missing the “action” call and you can hear her ranting about her exposed midriff in the background.
“GENERAL KENOBI” “hello darling” “I don’t think that was in the scri–are you awake?”
Obi-Wan screwing up a fight scene and when he goes to do the Soresu opening stance he gives them the finger instead
friend: are you ok?
me: No I’m not, but confronting hard truths and sharing my emotions is difficult for me and i don’t want to burden you with my problems when you have plenty of your own. However, I will be posting a jarring synopsis of my emotional state online for everyone to see, but feel free to ignore it if it makes you uncomfortable. how are you tho?
Leaving tungle.hell like rats on the Titanic 