Category: Uncategorized

paulmcfruity:

cuddlemnstr:

i haven’t seen this on tumblr yet so i thought i would put it here. maybe you’ll laugh at me, maybe it’s futile, but it literally cannot hurt to try. it’s fast and easy. enter your zipcode and it spits out the letters that you can email with the simple click of a button. please. try anything. i know this could go viral.

nationalpopularvote.com 

link to RT on twitter

anybody else ready to die?

gaymilesedgeworth:

gaymilesedgeworth:

sometimes i think about the fact that Dreamworks was working on the Prince of Egypt and Shrek at the same time and would apparently send people to work on Shrek instead of the Prince of Egypt as a form of punishment 

the night i posted this i couldn’t find a source and i’ve been wondering ever since if maybe it was just some kind of fucked up fever dream or something. but no, it’s real:

I guess they should have checked themselves before they shreked themselves

murphcooper:

ok but hear me out, quidditch games in the middle of the night

• all students praying mcgonagall wont find them out
• begging hermione to be the judge of the game
• the students playing IN THEIR PJ’S
• all houses playing together it’s a mess
• draco complaining about everything but begrudgingly having the time of his life 
• “malfoy honestly you are gonna slip off that broom in those silk pj’s”
• slytherins and hufflepuffs vs gryffindors and ravenclaws
• they do it almost every friday night
• hagrid watches every single game and cheers for everyone equally
• the house elves all know and prepare them a feast of junk food after every game
• they have sleepovers at each other’s common rooms after the game because they are too exhausted to go to their own
• “can we crash in the slytherin dorm today”
• house unity AT ITS FINEST no one gives a fuck
• they are all tired af but no one wants to go to sleep so SLEEPOVERS
• everyone having extra mattresses under their beds for these occasions
• the paintings helping them sneak out by warning them if there’s a teacher coming or not
• THE TEACHERS NEVER FINDING OUT (actually they all know they just pretend they don’t)

thewinterotter:

constant-instigator:

audsbot:

thewinterotter:

dominawritesthings:

rainnecassidy:

sinfullucifer:

the-negotiator:

sinfullucifer:

generallyhuxurious:

sinfullucifer:

tinfoil-on-the-windows:

sinfullucifer:

tinfoil-on-the-windows:

sinfullucifer:

actualtrashbag:

sinfullucifer:

so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count

holy f uck jane

its a serious question

well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.

new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing

no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.

you gotta digest it.

so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?

huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?

Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”

“you what now”

i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic

now that u said it im really surprised as well

what the fuck did i just read

Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?

I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.

I’m not convinced by this, actually!

Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”

But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:

• “I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
• “You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
• “You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”

Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.

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The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.

(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)

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Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.

And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”

Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years. 

Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”

“you what now”

This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.