the signs as wtnv characters

aries: tamika flynn
taurus: carlos the scientist
gemini: michelle nguyen
cancer: intern maureen
leo: hiram mcdaniels
virgo: the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home
libra: mayor dana cardinal
scorpio: steve carlsburg
sagittarius: the man in the tan jacket carrying a deerskin suitcase
capricorn: john peters—you know, the farmer
aquarius: cecil gershwin palmer
pisces: deb the sentient patch of haze